Words as Medicine
The speeches, books, & poetry that changed my life. And yes, this list includes Audre Lorde.
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Author’s Note: This Saturday, August 20th, I’m hosting a community writing & reflection workshop centered around grief and loss of all kinds. Check out the event page to learn more, and if it’s aligned, I hope you’ll join me and the other participants! Registration ends Friday!
Another author’s note: I overlooked my wellbeing to get this piece done. Like, I didn’t eat dinner until 9:30 last night because I was so busy editing and putting the final touches on this. I still plan to publish each Tuesday, but if I have to beat myself up in the process, the writing will have to wait. I appreciate the patience, and I hope you extend this same understanding to yourself.
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As a teenager, I carried copies of Seventeen and Glamour magazines like they were sacred texts. It wasn't until 27 that I rediscovered a love of reading books after being subjected to “classics” like Illiad and Odyssey during high school. Books have been a trusty companion and reliable escape route for the past five years. As a writer, they've helped me to see just how diverse art is, and has reaffirmed my love for the written word. You can check out my Goodreads account to see the 100+ books I've read, but today I wanted to share about the writing that has changed my life.
Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde
Unless you're new here, it's evident that my love of Audre Lorde runs deep. Her clear and direct way of writing her truth has empowered me more than any other writer. Her words, even decades later, give me permission.
Permission to be vulnerable.
Permission to ask questions.
Permission to think differently.
Sister Outsider, a collection of essays and speeches, tops my list. In its totality, the book is compelling and filled with a level of precision that few people can maintain. However, reading The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action broke my soul open in the best ways.
Following a health scare, Lorde began to reflect deeply on the sometimes dangerous impact of silence and the benefits of speaking, even when afraid. She questioned what it meant to take the silence that often suffocates us and transform it into something else entirely. However, like a thoughtful guide, Lorde addressed why it can be an easier and more attractive decision to choose silence. Speaking up can be dangerous, even deadly. But, even our silence can't keep us safe if it's slowly killing us from the inside out.
"We can learn to work and speak when we are afraid in the same way we have learned to work and speak when we are tired. For we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us."
-Audre Lorde
I was on the DC Metro headed to work when I first read this speech. Her words took hold of me and reminded me of all the times I had chosen silence out of fear.
Out of shame.
Out of guilt.
Out of doubt.
Out of worry.
I frequently think about the silence I inherited when I fell asleep at the wheel due to extreme exhaustion. This moment in time ultimately claimed the lives of my two linesisters. For years, I swallowed my feelings, petrified of what stood on the other side of my voice. This essay gave me the courage to reach out to the national leadership of my sorority after nine years. I felt unequipped + unprepared, but my silence had never served me. If anything, it had made me dead to life, if not physically, spiritually + emotionally.
This essay is one I revisit time and time again when I need a push forward. While our lives may be different, I encourage you to read it. Sit with it and think about how you silence yourself out of fear, rational or otherwise. Bury Lorde's words deep in your heart, and the next time you struggle to speak your truth, reach into that space and allow them to lead you.
Listen to GirlTrek’s Black History Bootcamp episode to learn more about Audre Lorde’s life!
won't you celebrate with me by Lucille Clifton
Discovered by Langston Hughes, Lucille Clifton's work highlights "endurance and strength through adversity." With her unique ability to say so much using so few words, her poem won't you celebrate with me packs a punch so powerful it may nearly knock you off your feet.
This 14-line poem embodies how I frequently feel, while inviting me into a place of gratefulness. Clifton boldly acknowledged how hard life can be, yet she was surviving despite it. And this alone is worth celebrating.
Check out this brief video to learn more about Clifton + hear her recite this beautiful poem.
My Body is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
The Body Is Not An Apology should be required reading for us all. I grew up constantly being reminded, even if not directly, that my body was not in alignment norm. My weight fluctuated over the years. I still struggle to make peace with a body that has never been what I fully desired, or at least what the world told me was worth desiring.
Reading this groundbreaking work opened the door to a path of healing with my own body, by reminding me that actual change begins within. It’s also helped me look at the several ways I've been an active participant in the body shame complex that overshadows our society. She unpacked how various entities like mass media and capitalism condition us to hate our bodies and the bodies of others, and how radical self-love can serve as the basis of healing and unlearning.
Check out Sonya Renee Taylor's Ted Talk on Bodies As Resistance!
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
This memoir follows the author's journey to understand the deeper meaning of life after being diagnosed with terminal cancer as a young and highly successful neurosurgeon. Reminiscent of the openness displayed in The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde, this thoughtful meditation of a well-lived life dissolves the walls we've built around our hearts. His honest look at birth, death, and the significance of what happens between these pivotal moments begs readers to live fully and intentionally.
Even if I'm dying, until I actually die, I am still living.
-Paul Kalanithi
Check out this Ted Talk by Paul's widow, Lucy, as she reflects on what makes life worth living in the face of death.
What Happened to You? by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey
While I wasn't sure what to expect, I'm thankful I gave What Happened to You? a chance. Oprah needs no introduction. She's THAT girl. Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD is one of the leading experts on childhood trauma, so they were a perfect pair to have a candid conversation on the impact of trauma.
This book invites readers to shift from the limiting and guilt-ridden view that often says "what's wrong with me" to one that instead tasks us with looking at what we've been through. It's the first book I read that allowed me to learn more about trauma, how my brain responds to it, and how it all informs the decisions I make. **I want to note that I listened to this as an audio book, rather than reading the physical copy. The content can sometimes be a little dense, so I'm not sure how that translates on paper.
Trauma leaves your shipwrecked. You are left to rebuild your inner world. Part of the rebuilding, the healing process, is revisiting the shattered hull of your old worldview; you sift through the wreckage looking for what remains, seeking your broken pieces…as you revisit the ship-wreck, piece by piece, you find a fragment and move it to your new, safer place in the now-altered landscape. You build a new worldview. That takes time. And many visits to the wreckage.
-Bruce D. Perry
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
I now understand why Oprah always keeps a copy of A New Earth on her nightstand. After listening to the 10-episode podcast series breaking down this book chapter by chapter, I had to see what all the hype was about. Tolle highlights the importance of being one with the moment and learning to recognize who we are beyond our ego's stories. After reading this book, I pinpointed some ways ego has driven my actions. From the toxic romantic relationships I found myself involved in, to positioning myself to always be the victim, on guard and ready to fight back.
Check out the podcast I mentioned above!
Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee.
In my journey, I've seen grief as many things, but never as love...at least until I read this book. Suggested by one of the participants of the virtual grief group I lead for grievers of color, I had no clue this book would resonate so much with me. I inhaled Lee's poetic and heartbreaking words on the first leg of my flight back to Mexico. Yes, I cried the entire time.
Grief is Love gives us a small glimpse at how losing her mother and a much prayed-for pregnancy impacts + shapes Lee's existence. This book is a soft landing place for a weary heart. Even though I've written at length about my relationship with grief, it was this book that helped me name the things I've long struggled with.
I recommend checking out this beautiful conversation between the author Marisa Renee Lee and Alex Elle on the Hey Girl podcast.