*cover photo by Donald Tran on Unsplash*
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TW: Addiction, disordered eating, substance use
The accident didn't begin my struggle with addiction, but unquestionably bonded us together. And like cement, even when you call yourself trying to escape, it keeps a hold on you. Its grip is more potent than anything you've experienced. As I approach my three-year alcohol soberversary next week, there are many things I don't miss. But what I loved and miss about quickly drinking obnoxious amounts of alcohol is that it provided me a way to disconnect. And it's interesting how, in its absence, I've been ultra-skilled at finding ways to float atop my body and reality.
I had my first drink in my early teenage years, and in full transparency, I hated the taste. I don't know if I ever entirely grew to enjoy it, and even now, as I write this, my face is contorting at the thought. But I wasn't there for the taste; I was there for the life vest it threw my way, even if it never intended to save me.
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